I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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