toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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