Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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