No stitches, just platelets and will power
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
ok first of all what the fuck
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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