some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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