I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So many bounce houses so little time
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
