I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
