i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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