would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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