I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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