He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
