I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
