some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize