Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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