John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
