I wish life had little blips of pornography
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
