I could make wine with my vomit
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
