all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
