no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
