I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
