Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
