so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
