we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
