the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
