I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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