the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
