I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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