it hurts more in the daytime
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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