a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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