At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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