Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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