He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
