so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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