There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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