if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
