These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
