you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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