i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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