Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
