Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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