where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
