Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize