so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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