So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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