all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
