im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
