Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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