ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
