I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
