So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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