I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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