The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
