You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
