This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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