Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
