i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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