well you can't waste a boner
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
