New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize