ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sorry about my life...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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