who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So squirting runs in the family.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize