Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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