My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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