i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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