dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
