fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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