There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
