i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
