My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
