Will you blow on my dice?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You ruined the universe
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize