you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
