I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
