That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
