i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I just sharted jello shots
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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