Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
