You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
