First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
