my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
