Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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