Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
