i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
