She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
