So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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