you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
