how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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