Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
