i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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