drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
