It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
