So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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