it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
