Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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