Soap is not a condiment
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
