you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
