Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
