i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
