I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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