That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize