it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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