it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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