i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He passed out mid-signature
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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