Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
