I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize