Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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